Monthly Review - April 2016

I am ready for some freaking May flowers please and thank you! 

I always love the idea of pausing to take stock of what has happened good bad and ugly over the past month, but have never able to find a way to follow through on it. Big thanks to uber #girlcrush Nicole Antoinette for sending out her Monthly Review Worksheet if you're not subscribed to her newsletter you absolutely should be which finally got me to sit down and say hey April, thanks for kicking my ass. Now you all get to listen to me complain about what went wrong in April and what hopefully won't go wrong in May!

The two things I’m most proud of from April are: 
1. Taking chances even if they didn't work out
2. Being selfish with my time and saying no to things
April kicked my bum no doubt. Even though the majority of things I did went belly up or fizzled out, I can say that I put myself there and tried. I'm starting to get a little better at accepting that things do not always go how we want them to, and am glad to have tried new things regardless of the success. Baby steps!
In the beginning of the year I started working remotely on Fridays honestly just to see what it was like. I had clean clothes and my apartment was semi-clean for once in my life, but I honestly did not find it nearly as relaxing as I thought I would. Not only did I feel like I needed to "prove" I was working/was terrified to leave my computer, I also gave myself a laundry list of things around the apartment that needed to get done. It really kind of stressed me out.  So now I'm back in the office on Fridays like a normal person and my apartment should be contaminated - life is back to normal. I also started working part time at local Fitness Studio. I would love to find some sort of fitness-related career and this sounded like a really great way to experience that world from a new perspective. Sadly, I just bit off more than I could chew with this. I didn't feel like I was able to give the position the time and commitment it deserved so I bowed out as gracefully as possible. Bonus: I met a lot of great new people and actually ended up renewing my membership at the Studio! Yay for the body, Boo for the wallet.

The two things I’m most grateful for from April are:
1. FAMILY
My fam was front and center this month. My Aunt and Cousin met up with us to watch the Boston Marathon, my Sister's birthday was in April, and half my Dad's side of the family was up to go Bridesmaid Dress shopping for my Cousins wedding. It made for a super busy month, but when it comes to this family getting some quality face time in is always worth it.

2. Coincidences
Sometimes you just need a little reassurance that the Universe is indeed listening. I mean it may not give you what want necessarily, but its like hey I hear ya, working on it. There were plenty of little connections and moments in April that drove this home and I hope the Universe continues to have my back although I think could do without SOME of the lessons it's trying to teach me...

The lesson I learned and am carrying forward with me from April is:
You can do anything, but you can't and shouldn't do everything. Totally stole this from my planner's quote of the month.
Over extending, over booking, over training, I over-ed everything except rest and relaxtion this month. Which is I am currently in an ankle brace hobbling around the TriState area asking God why he hates me. This month, more than anything, taught me that stress has a really negative effect on me physically. I am a worrier by trade, so this is something I absolutely need to work on if I would like to live to see 30 without ending up in a full body cast. 

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My intention for May is: to have faith that things will unfold as they should without my interference
I'm pretty sure letting go has been my goal for the past like 10 years, and I think I'm finally exhausted enough to put the hustle on the back burner and accept that things will happen how they will happen and all I can do is deal with it. So far I am failing miserably #injurybrain

One thing I aim to do every day in May is: be grateful  
Honestly this is the only thing that has gotten me through May so far and I know all the people who have interacted with me in May are probably laughing their asses off right now but even when I am freaking out, crying, in pain, or whatever... I'm trying to remind myself that I'm lucky to have a Doctor to go to, grateful for the people who have listened to my hysterics for almost 2 weeks, etc. I know it doesn't seem like it in the moment but I AM grateful for so many things it would just be a whole lot easier if I could walk. 

Because I am brave, here are two new/scary things I will do in May:
1. Keep blogging and writing 
Yup sorry, I'm still going to be here. I really have no idea what direction my wiritng will go, but for May I'm hoping to get myself into more of a blog-groove suggestions welcome :) 

2. Do ONLY what I can at the Tinkerbell Half
I can't even with this. The race is Sunday. I'm starting to be able to walk somewhat normally. I've pulled off some some pretty insane race comebacks in my day, but this would absolutely take the cake. I really don't know if running is on the table at all, I'm not saying no to walking as much as I can either, but it is going to be one hell of a close call for sure. I'm not sure what to hope for at this point, but a miracle and some good sense sounds about right.

The one book I definitely want to read in May is: Daring Greatly 

Something I want to experiment with in May is: New diets and foods
Not in a cutting calories sense, more of a "taking a hard look" at what works best for me kind of thing. The stress of April did a number on my stomach, and since I won't technically be training in May if I'm able to run at all it seems like a good time to do a deep dive into what I need to stay healthy.

Just for fun, I will: remember how to have fun 
Yeaaaa when you can't come up with an answer for this one, it's time to re-evaluate your activities.

As an act of intentional kindness, I will: give myself a fucking break
This I'm actually making some progress on! I haven't once blamed myself for my injury or tried to figure out what I did wrong to end up like this monumental breakthrough status. I'm doing the best that I can right now and that's all I can ask for.

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Feel free to share your answers to any of Nicole's prompts in the comments below.
April may have bitch slapped me, but it was a great month for SO many people and I always love a good story!

My Psychic Powers and Why They Can't be Used for Good

Well, it's been a solid 4 years, but my right leg finally decided to call it quits on Sunday moment of silence.

I can't even be mad because my right leg has been a freaking trooper. It's been picking up the slack for my bum left leg for basically 3 of those 4 years, and I guess it deserves a break.

Last week running did not feel great. I had been burning the candle at both ends and it was showing. My gait was off, I felt awkward, I was super tired and sluggish, my heart was not in it.  I was not super concerned because it was my last high mileage week, I had a lot going on personally, and frankly I had a lot of reasons to feel tired and wompy. I was flexible with my training schedule rearranging workouts so I would not drive myself into the ground on super hectic days and I never felt like I was pushing myself through pain, I was just on the struggle bus express. I  made it through the week relatively unscathed with one 14 miler left for Sunday. I was exhausted, stressed, and reallllly not looking forward to my last long run. Somehow I managed to scrape myself off the floor and started out for two 7 mile loops, so that I could stop at home for water and fuel if I needed to. Once I got started I knew that mentally I could make it through, the weather was epically gorgeous, and physically I felt the same if not a little better than I had the day before. But around mile 3 I knew something was off, my right ankle just wasn't right. My stride was super forced and awkward. I stopped multiple times to stretch and pump out my calf, but when I started to noticeably limp, that was it. I wasn't in any pain  - but I had to admit defeat. I plopped my ass on the curb, called Mom, and stared off into the downward spiraling abyss until she came to pick me up.

I am just so over this injury bull shit that I could barely muster up the energy to throw a fit in the car on the way home obviously I cried and whined but it wasn't one of my best efforts and went straight to our deck so I could pass out in the sun and at least soak up some of  the Vitamin D I was supposed to get that day. Even my pity party was fairly tame: Sushi, homemade chocolate chip cookies, a pep talk from Mom, and a long bath to keep me from trying to implement every injury remedy in my bag of tricks all at once.

I've always thought I was semi-psychic but really a legit psychic (guy I met on the street in New Orleans) said I was and I totally used to be able to use my powers for good.

Bid Day 2008
A day that will live in infamy

Exhibit A - My senior year of college I was convinced that my parents were going to take us to Disney World in all honesty not a huge leap there after January Rush Week. I had this picture in my mind of Me and Megs in matching Bid Day tee shirts at Magic Kingdom. Well, I got back from my Study Abroad in Australia, my mom told me to repack cause we were going to Disney World, and then we drove back down to school so that I could could spend Bid Day with my double sister who had just pledged my sorority.

True Happiness

Now that I'm old and jaded my psychic powers have dwindled down to more of an "oooo I've got a bad feeling about this" situation, which usually turns out to be the case.

Exhibit A - How My Psychic Powers Knew I Had An Injury Coming

• Got all sentimental about how much I love running, how awesome it feels, and how excited I am to run all the races  just asking for it
• I slept on my parents couch this weekend since we had family visiting -  as I was getting all snuggled in I was like hey the last time I slept on the couch was when I twisted my ankle twice in January foreshadowing blows
• Made a list of possible challenges/things to try during my "off training month" I really do wonder how many hours I would last on Whole30
• Tried on my costume for the Tinkerbell Half Marathon, wings and all I just can't

This is just begging for a deep dive into manifesting and all that junk, but good Lord that is a post for a different time cause aint nobody me got time for that right now. I am less than 2 weeks out from our trip to Disneyland/LA for the RunDisney Tinkerbell Half, my goal right now is to be healthy enough to run it, but that is not really under my control.

Where are you now that
i need you

Time to try some of that manifesting-ness again!

- Stay moderately caffeinated friends trying to cut back a bit this week