I am ready for some freaking May flowers please and thank you!
I always love the idea of pausing to take stock of what has happened good bad and ugly over the past month, but have never able to find a way to follow through on it. Big thanks to uber #girlcrush Nicole Antoinette for sending out her Monthly Review Worksheet if you're not subscribed to her newsletter you absolutely should be which finally got me to sit down and say hey April, thanks for kicking my ass. Now you all get to listen to me complain about what went wrong in April and what hopefully won't go wrong in May!
The two things I’m most proud of from April are:
1. Taking chances even if they didn't work out
2. Being selfish with my time and saying no to things
April kicked my bum no doubt. Even though the majority of things I did went belly up or fizzled out, I can say that I put myself there and tried. I'm starting to get a little better at accepting that things do not always go how we want them to, and am glad to have tried new things regardless of the success. Baby steps!
In the beginning of the year I started working remotely on Fridays honestly just to see what it was like. I had clean clothes and my apartment was semi-clean for once in my life, but I honestly did not find it nearly as relaxing as I thought I would. Not only did I feel like I needed to "prove" I was working/was terrified to leave my computer, I also gave myself a laundry list of things around the apartment that needed to get done. It really kind of stressed me out. So now I'm back in the office on Fridays like a normal person and my apartment should be contaminated - life is back to normal. I also started working part time at local Fitness Studio. I would love to find some sort of fitness-related career and this sounded like a really great way to experience that world from a new perspective. Sadly, I just bit off more than I could chew with this. I didn't feel like I was able to give the position the time and commitment it deserved so I bowed out as gracefully as possible. Bonus: I met a lot of great new people and actually ended up renewing my membership at the Studio! Yay for the body, Boo for the wallet.
The two things I’m most grateful for from April are:
My fam was front and center this month. My Aunt and Cousin met up with us to watch the Boston Marathon, my Sister's birthday was in April, and half my Dad's side of the family was up to go Bridesmaid Dress shopping for my Cousins wedding. It made for a super busy month, but when it comes to this family getting some quality face time in is always worth it.
Sometimes you just need a little reassurance that the Universe is indeed listening. I mean it may not give you what want necessarily, but its like hey I hear ya, working on it. There were plenty of little connections and moments in April that drove this home and I hope the Universe continues to have my back although I think could do without SOME of the lessons it's trying to teach me...
The lesson I learned and am carrying forward with me from April is:
You can do anything, but you can't and shouldn't do everything. Totally stole this from my planner's quote of the month.
Over extending, over booking, over training, I over-ed everything except rest and relaxtion this month. Which is I am currently in an ankle brace hobbling around the TriState area asking God why he hates me. This month, more than anything, taught me that stress has a really negative effect on me physically. I am a worrier by trade, so this is something I absolutely need to work on if I would like to live to see 30 without ending up in a full body cast.
My intention for May is: to have faith that things will unfold as they should without my interference
I'm pretty sure letting go has been my goal for the past like 10 years, and I think I'm finally exhausted enough to put the hustle on the back burner and accept that things will happen how they will happen and all I can do is deal with it. So far I am failing miserably #injurybrain
One thing I aim to do every day in May is: be grateful
Honestly this is the only thing that has gotten me through May so far and I know all the people who have interacted with me in May are probably laughing their asses off right now but even when I am freaking out, crying, in pain, or whatever... I'm trying to remind myself that I'm lucky to have a Doctor to go to, grateful for the people who have listened to my hysterics for almost 2 weeks, etc. I know it doesn't seem like it in the moment but I AM grateful for so many things it would just be a whole lot easier if I could walk.
Because I am brave, here are two new/scary things I will do in May:
1. Keep blogging and writing
Yup sorry, I'm still going to be here. I really have no idea what direction my wiritng will go, but for May I'm hoping to get myself into more of a blog-groove suggestions welcome :)
2. Do ONLY what I can at the Tinkerbell Half
I can't even with this. The race is Sunday. I'm starting to be able to walk somewhat normally. I've pulled off some some pretty insane race comebacks in my day, but this would absolutely take the cake. I really don't know if running is on the table at all, I'm not saying no to walking as much as I can either, but it is going to be one hell of a close call for sure. I'm not sure what to hope for at this point, but a miracle and some good sense sounds about right.
The one book I definitely want to read in May is: Daring Greatly
Something I want to experiment with in May is: New diets and foods
Not in a cutting calories sense, more of a "taking a hard look" at what works best for me kind of thing. The stress of April did a number on my stomach, and since I won't technically be training in May if I'm able to run at all it seems like a good time to do a deep dive into what I need to stay healthy.
Just for fun, I will: remember how to have fun
Yeaaaa when you can't come up with an answer for this one, it's time to re-evaluate your activities.
As an act of intentional kindness, I will: give myself a fucking break
This I'm actually making some progress on! I haven't once blamed myself for my injury or tried to figure out what I did wrong to end up like this monumental breakthrough status. I'm doing the best that I can right now and that's all I can ask for.
Feel free to share your answers to any of Nicole's prompts in the comments below.
April may have bitch slapped me, but it was a great month for SO many people and I always love a good story!